My dad was an artist, and lived a frustrating life proving to himself and the world that he was a great artist. He believed himself to be a failure since he wasn’t a famous artist by 40. His father was an Everyman and an artist too. My grandfather was a boxer, teacher, engineer and painter, but not a very good father. So here I am, a father and an artist too. Trying to break a cycle and represent my family of artists in the same breath.
As I experience life as a father of three, I see my father in a different light, not a good or bad one, just different. I wish my adult self could talk to his younger self. I would tell him: “You don’t have to be famous to be loved or appreciated”, and I would tell my grandfather ( as my adult self) : “It’s not just about you”. So these are things for me to hear as well to break a cycle of sadness.
There is a feeling I get when I paint with bold colors or streaks of white across a dark canvas. It feels like life, like the paint is alive. It’s exhilarating when feelings can come from media on a simple canvas, and it’s also frustrating when the feeling is not present. I guess you have to get out of your own way.